my family is loco

Tales from the Family Reunion

Shadesward is so glad it was foggy as hell all weekend.

I give you... the insanity that is my family in relation to Twilight. I love them.

MY MOTHER
On her way to the beach, sends me a text message:
Mom: "Glad it's sunny so Cullens don't get us when we go through Forks."
B: "LOL thank God for that"
Once arrived, lugs a (gift-wrapped, mind you) case of beer out of her car and instructs me to open it. What is this? Oh nothin'... TWILIGHT ALE.

They are impressed... I can tell
HUBBY DID THIS. I take no responsibilty. Shadesward is either a horndog or a closet hairdresser.

MY UNCLE
B is drinking coveted Twilight Ale when Uncle comes to bother her grace her with his presence:
Uncle: "Is that vampire beer?"
B: *giggle* "Yes."
Uncle: "We always stop in Forks on the way here. Do you know, everywhere you go in that town is covered in Twilight?"
B: "I may or may not like Twilight... and yes, I AM AWARE"
Uncle: "I don't even know what it is."
B: *collapses into uncontrollable laughter*

MY GRANDMOTHER
B shows Dad the picture of PE in the mini-tent, and Dad laughs hysterically.
You know, this one.

Mom: "I could have gotten you one of those the other day!"
B: *gasp* "EDWARD NEEDS A TENT!"
Grandma: "Who's Edward?"
-stunned silence-
Mom: "You should go get Edward and Bella to show Grandma."
B: *beaming with pride* "Okay!"
moments later...
B: *takes Shadesward and Bella/Alanis out of sweatshirt pocket* "Shh, it's a secret. I don't want everyone to know I'm crazy."
Grandma: "You're not crazy... Oh, the Twilight people!"
B: *giggles and nods furiously*
Grandma: "You know they broke up."
B: *defensively* "Who?"
Grandma: "These two..."
B: *interrupting* "Rob and Kristen were never dating."
E: *snorts*
Grandma: "Okaaay... But has he taken a bath? Ew. That Indian boy is so much more attractive anyway."
B: *shocked and horrified gasp* "Uh... I should tell you, he is 17."
Grandma: "Well, I'm 69. That sounds just about perfect to me."
B reclaims Shadesward and Orangella and grumbles to herself about how all the women in this family are ten shades of Team Jacob crazy.

MY COUSIN
B and cousins are getting all kinds of drunkies at a casino on Jager. (Note from the present: this was a BAD CHOICE) They are dancing with old people to 50's music. SWEET.
B does not remember how Twilight came up in the conversation... I told you Jager was a bad choice
Cousin: *yelling* "OH MY GOD, I LOVE TWILIGHT!!"
B: *extremely excited to point of explosion* "REALLY????"
Cousin: "YES!! I love Edward so much!"
B: "Do you want to see.... my secret?"
Cousin: "Secret? Yes!"
B: *reaching into purse dramatically and pulling out Shadesward* "Okay!"
Cousin: *grabs Shadesward roughly* "WHERE DID YOU GET HIM?!?"
B: *cringing for poor Shadesward's bouffant as Cousin strokes it lovingly* "There's a Twilight store in Port Angeles."
Cousin: "REALLY?"
B: *wondering if this is how Rob's eardrums feel* "Yes, really."
Cousin: "That is so cool! I want one!"
B: *reclaiming Shadesward and replacing him in purse* "I love him."
Cousin: "Me too..."


My family is freakin' psycho. Must be where I get it. To top it all off, we passed this on our way home today:
Apparently this is the Twi-mobile of the Twilight music girls. I have not checked them out yet, but I plan on it, because their license plate says FANPIRE and I may or may not be jealous.