Frat Parties are Fun After All: How I Stole RobQ

The precious...

So, I have a funny story that makes me look like a crazy person. I was just thinking about how everyone seems to love it when I look like a crazy person, so I thought I would share.

Backstory that may be helpful: My husband is in a professional fraternity. This means that he is basically a 19-year-old frat boy in a 28-year-old married man's body. He just joined said fraternity, and made me go to a frat party with him on Thursday (yes, Thursday).

So, I went to this frat party, not expecting to enjoy myself at all. Frankly, I expected to be annoyed as hell. That didn't end up happening. The following is a recounting of true events, no matter how unlikely they may seem.

Also, you should know that I did not own RobQ previous to this event, and one of my life's goals has been to own it.

Cast:

B: EtomyB

E: EtomyB's husband

T: Frat brother, party host

J: Frat brother, drunk ass

Scene 1: Everyone sits around a table, playing Kings. B is loving her life because she just screwed everyone else over during I Never by referring to their shared major. Her rubbing alcohol drink is making its way through her system at an alarming rate.

B: Where's the bathroom?

E: Over there. *points*

B: Ok. Excuse me! *shoves past people*

B finishes up in the bathroom, and before exiting, she happens to notice that T has a very large pile of GQ issues on a shelf in said bathroom.

B's brain: Hmm... I wonder...

*scans down stack of magazines*

B's brain: Johnny Depp, yeah, yeah... Zefron! Ooh!... Oh, he probably doesn't have it, it's old...

*reaches very bottom of stack*

B's brain: O. M. G.

B (out loud, alone in bathroom): SQUEEE!!!

*hand shoots out to snatch RobQ from bottom of pile*

Several minutes later...

Partygoers outside bathroom: Where's B? She needs a NICKNAME!! *excited chatter about fraternity nicknames*

B: *shakes head* Where am I...? Oh, crap. *hides RobQ at bottom of pile again*

*exits bathroom to shouts of her new, stupid nickname*

*plops onto couch next to E*

B: E. GUESS WHAT MAGAZINE T HAS IN THE BATHROOM.

E: Um... Playboy?

B: No, stupid!! *reverent voice* GQ.

E: So? .... Oh, crap. What's in it? Do I want to know?

B: GET IT FOR ME. I'm going to steal it if you don't.

E: I'll ask.

Scene 2: The party is winding down and everyone is getting ready to leave.

B: I am serious. I will go all kleptomaniac on his ass if you don't get T to give me the magazine.

E: *laughs* I'll ask him!

E retrieves RobQ from the bathroom and locates T.

E: T, would you mind if I commandeer this for my wife?

T: What? Wait- who is that guy?

B: *jumping up and down behind E* It's MY BOYFRIEND!!!

E: It's Robert Pattinson.

T: *laughing* Let me make sure there's no hot girls in here... *flips through magazine, then hands it over*

B: *squeals*

E & T: *eye roll*

Scene 3: E, B and J are outside, as everyone is leaving.

J: Hey B, why did you say you were a klepto?

B: I stole a magazine.

E: I stole the magazine for her.

J: You stole a magazine?

B: For my BOYFRIEND!!

J: *laughs* So you only steal for your boyfriend?

B: *nods*

E: I only steal for my wife.

J: Dude, you stole for her boyfriend.

B: *nods vigorously*

E: ... Dammit.

Yes, folks, that is my life.

Some of the frat boys are coming over tonight. I wonder what they'll think of my TwiShrine?